The Government, alcohol and young people.

A more dangerous mix than The Government, alcohol and sex.



And that's a pretty scary mix.



Anywho, before that image of our beloved Prime Minister beign caught with his trousers down can enter your brain (Well, that's a lie actually, if it weren't for me most of you wouldn't be reeling in disgust now) I aim to provide a balanced, realistic opinion on the idiotic views of a small elite group of old people who think they can sort out a very large broad group of young people.



The Government claims underage drinking in Britain is rife. Took 'em long enough. They claim also it's the cause for antisocial behaviour, violence and golbal warming. Okay, maybe I've got a few facts wrong, but that's the gist of thier view.


As such, they recently suggested that the drinking age should be raised to 21. For someone aged 17 in October, who is likely to be sodomized by this law, it's an insult to injury, not because it will prevent me drinking, but because it will prevent me drinking for no good reason.



I'm not naive enough to say that there is nothing wrong with young people getting drunk, getting lost in the woods and eventually gatecrashing parties in order to regurgitate the alcoholic beverage of choice (served with obligatory carrot) onto the carpet/wall/trampoline and trampoliners. (savour that image- as those who bounce land, the alcoholic oral excretion will dance into the air above them, and fall as they make thier return journey upwards, delicately basting them in moist juices like a Christmas turkey.)



The problem is, that the British Government is deluded to think that the problem lies with 18 year olds getting drunk legally and the national institution that is drunken chavery in the town centre on a Saturday night.



The issue is deeper than that. Most of my friends get alcohol underage already from dodgy corner shops, where the service is all too friendly, the price right, and the business good for the beloved shop owner. Of course, it isn't actually his fault.



Google "fake identity cards" and you can find a whole host of replica ones which can be yours, with a convincing hologram, for only £20! But wait! Buy in a years time to list your age as 21!!!



Let's do a little recap. Government + booze + young people = failure. 18 up to 21. Dodgy cornershops, convincing ID for non dodgy cornershops.



Raising the drinking age from 18 to 21 will do what we in the trade of binge drinking technically describe as: Bugger all.



The next idea on the Governments agenda was putting 4 pence of tax onto alcohol as it's too cheap. Ohhh, rise in price above inflation. Whilst this indeed may make nice alcoholic beverages a little too expensive for the average unemployed youth, "White Lightning", the 3 litre, 8% choice of park bench's everywhere would now go up to about £2.30, from about £2. Oh no, a 30 pence price rise, however will I get wankered now!



At the end of the day, the government has just shown why you don't mix up policies. You don't try to create a continental 24 hour drinking culture to increased civilised drinking, without creating establishments used to a 24 hour drinking culture. Similarly, you don't populate such a culture with denizens of the deep who aren't familiar with any method of drinking other than "squeezing in last orders."



Perhaps if the Government looked at solving broken homes, bad education and the fat, hairy, sweaty, dangly pus-stained bollocks that most people call "culture" out, maybe, just maybe, we'd have a civilised system in which we could take the German lead, and allow young people to drink weak amounts of alcohol. Remove a taboo, so the urge to break it is less.



To sum up in the words of one disgruntled copper "If you want a cafe culture, build cafes."