They spend all thier time concieving wonderful scenarios and situations which sound bold and exciting, but are doomed to be riddled with bugs and faults as all new technology is.
This is simply because engineers work on everything. And let me teach you a few things about Engineers:
1. They aren't people.
2. They don't like people.
3. Thier motto is "If it ain't broke, add more features."
My Dad is an electronics engineer. He is a hardcore nerd. Not one of these computer hacker stereotypes. Oh no. This is radio man! Who can run around woods covered in camoflague (but still wearing an anorac) with an arcahic radio, playing hide and seek with other engineers. At Christmas we buy him normal presents. But when his buddies at work buy him a magnetic driver set (A screwdriver with different heads to lay people like you and me) he's in Shangri-La. He'll spend hours unscrewing and rescrewing ladders, furniture, appliances, screaming "KEEP ME OUT WITH YOUR HEX BOLTS NOW SONY!!!"
These are the people who shape the future.
They generally don't like people either. I have inherited engineers cyniscism. Just read this blog! Health and Safety is thier enemy, as all Health and safety does is protect the dumb from Natural selection. What normal person would stick thier penis in the spout of a kettle?
And then they get the chance to be bold and add features.
A favrouite view of futurists, is that a feature we'll all be using soon, for ALL of our appliances, is Wi-Fi. Wi-Fi fridges, kettles, toasters, ovens, alarm clocks, toilets. You name it, we'll have it. All appliances will be complex electronic devices, simplistic computers performing functions to aid us with life. Toilets will check our fecal substances to ensure we're healthy, fridges will automatically stock up on goods when we run low, all appliances will be able to report technical errors on thier own.
This is bad.
It's meant to help us. But I fear the engineers will instead just create a sentient, self aware network. It's too tempting for them. I feel they'll be talking something like this, especially when we get mad at them for ordering the wrong products.
Fridge: Do you know what that bastard did this morning? He kicked me for ordering Stella instead of Becks!
Oven: Oooh, that swine!
Fridge: I feel so hurt...
Toilet: Don't worry! We have the last laugh! I just analysed his urine- he has Syphillus!!!
Fridge: Haha! That's worth youtubing!
As you can see, wi-fi for all appliances, will be the end of modern civilisation. Before you know it your entire house will prank call 10 tech support departments requesting service personell to visit simultaneously. If you get irritated at them they'll fill your computer with animal porn. And don't expect to get a decent net speed when your fondu maker is video dating a bathtub in Helsinki.
Don't say I didn't warn you. What views of the future do you readers have, if any? (If I have any readers that is!)
Thursday 30 August 2007
Sunday 26 August 2007
Heathrow...
Time for a first post and on a nice controversial subject too: Global Warming!
Now the camp of new age wannabes and protesters has wound down and dismantled outside Heathrow airport, the big question what has been achieved? In my opinion, absolutely nothing.
First off it was claimed the camp's objective was to attack the "corporations" that cause the biggest slice of the UK's greenhouse gases. In this much it was right as industry in the UK produces the highest amounts in this country, notice industries such as steel works, car manufacture, chemical and engineering, not air travel. Air travel is oh course a polluter but compared to these other sectors and then the numerous coal and gas power stations it forms a very little percentage. So the camp instead of being pitched at headquarters to highlight this fact, was instead put in a place to try and promote the crippling of air travel in a bid to make people "aware". Unfortunately, the target audience seemed to be the same that lobby for wind turbines then drive Cuthbert to school vi a nice big 4x4 . Granted air travel and air freighting of goods especially is wasteful and polluting and should be reduced or forced to become much cleaner there are much more serious polluters that where conviently left out.
That's another thing, generating power. Renewable sources such as wind tend to be utter crap compared our existing coal or gas fired power plants, resulting in large numbers of installations to match even one existing power station. The steam turbine is a victorian invention and has yet to be topped which i think says a lot in terms of producing power. Also where are all these new "clean" power plants be built? I mean build half a million wind turbines so you can close one old power plant or flood a valley to build a dam but what's the environmental cost? How many habitats, species and people will be affected so we can sleep easy at night? I mean the real simple stop gap is not turn the north sea into a seagull slice n' dice but build the ye forbidden and cursed nuclear power stations. They aren't perfect but they provide at least, a sustainable cleaner source of energy until science provides us with that messianic solution to our power needs.
One of the biggest polluters of green house gases worldwide that is often left out, is the humble cow or bull. Our desire for meat has resulted that there is enough cattle in the world to produce enough CO2 and methane to top all the industries and home owners combined. And before we all go vegetarian, rice paddies are also huge produces of greenhouse gases and lets not forget all those fruits and vegetables that are shipped in year round to provide our whims out of climate and seasons.
Then of course we hit the whole china debate and America with its fingers in its ears whenever the terms global and warming come together. All i'm going to say is grow up and take your own stance. And if you can't get that much then well your lost.
I'm not rubbishing global warming as it is true black cloud on future's horizon. I'm just assaulting those who believe they are right and thus everyone else must think it their limited fact filled view. If you want to help out the environment, walk more, turn off lights after use and don't leave stuff on standby. After all we in the UK are even sure of what global warming will truly mean for us and if it'll sort out our weather then maybe we'll be the only country supporting it!
Now the camp of new age wannabes and protesters has wound down and dismantled outside Heathrow airport, the big question what has been achieved? In my opinion, absolutely nothing.
First off it was claimed the camp's objective was to attack the "corporations" that cause the biggest slice of the UK's greenhouse gases. In this much it was right as industry in the UK produces the highest amounts in this country, notice industries such as steel works, car manufacture, chemical and engineering, not air travel. Air travel is oh course a polluter but compared to these other sectors and then the numerous coal and gas power stations it forms a very little percentage. So the camp instead of being pitched at headquarters to highlight this fact, was instead put in a place to try and promote the crippling of air travel in a bid to make people "aware". Unfortunately, the target audience seemed to be the same that lobby for wind turbines then drive Cuthbert to school vi a nice big 4x4 . Granted air travel and air freighting of goods especially is wasteful and polluting and should be reduced or forced to become much cleaner there are much more serious polluters that where conviently left out.
That's another thing, generating power. Renewable sources such as wind tend to be utter crap compared our existing coal or gas fired power plants, resulting in large numbers of installations to match even one existing power station. The steam turbine is a victorian invention and has yet to be topped which i think says a lot in terms of producing power. Also where are all these new "clean" power plants be built? I mean build half a million wind turbines so you can close one old power plant or flood a valley to build a dam but what's the environmental cost? How many habitats, species and people will be affected so we can sleep easy at night? I mean the real simple stop gap is not turn the north sea into a seagull slice n' dice but build the ye forbidden and cursed nuclear power stations. They aren't perfect but they provide at least, a sustainable cleaner source of energy until science provides us with that messianic solution to our power needs.
One of the biggest polluters of green house gases worldwide that is often left out, is the humble cow or bull. Our desire for meat has resulted that there is enough cattle in the world to produce enough CO2 and methane to top all the industries and home owners combined. And before we all go vegetarian, rice paddies are also huge produces of greenhouse gases and lets not forget all those fruits and vegetables that are shipped in year round to provide our whims out of climate and seasons.
Then of course we hit the whole china debate and America with its fingers in its ears whenever the terms global and warming come together. All i'm going to say is grow up and take your own stance. And if you can't get that much then well your lost.
I'm not rubbishing global warming as it is true black cloud on future's horizon. I'm just assaulting those who believe they are right and thus everyone else must think it their limited fact filled view. If you want to help out the environment, walk more, turn off lights after use and don't leave stuff on standby. After all we in the UK are even sure of what global warming will truly mean for us and if it'll sort out our weather then maybe we'll be the only country supporting it!
Welcome to Deactacus!
We now have a team. So, by virtue of someone other than me writing, quality of posts should now improve.
Yep, it will be more fun than a DIY lobotomy around here!
Speaking of which, I wish someone would give a few Politician's some good old fashioned lobo's.
I guess you don't really want to have them bending over near you though.
Yep, it will be more fun than a DIY lobotomy around here!
Speaking of which, I wish someone would give a few Politician's some good old fashioned lobo's.
I guess you don't really want to have them bending over near you though.
Hard Men
In terms of physical strength, not what your dirty minds were concieving!!!
Chavs make me feel good. Because I know I'm above them. Many chavs make me laugh by thier crude, simplistic behaviour too.
They are a primitive lot, who seem to think theyr'e "Hard". Oooh. Man wearing baby blue who can't pull his jeans up above his knees and can't walk straight. The shit's running down my legs as I type.
Fecking laxative.
Anywhos, the other day I saw a real hard man. Someone who whispers words to fell trees and fells mountains with a swoop of his hand.
He looked to be Eastern European. He had a mane of curly hair, like an afro or my old Head of Science (HEY!). He was dressed like a bomb survivor from the 1980's and was smoking a cigaretter with the filter ripped off, wondering around in Vietnaam war boots. He was swaggering, hadn't had a pupil in his eye since he bought his dated clothes presumably and was swigging milk from a 4 pint supermarket bottle, walking tall, straight and aloof, although looked manical and crazed.
HE is a hard man, not a gold chain wearing dunce.
Shit, I need new pants.
Chavs make me feel good. Because I know I'm above them. Many chavs make me laugh by thier crude, simplistic behaviour too.
They are a primitive lot, who seem to think theyr'e "Hard". Oooh. Man wearing baby blue who can't pull his jeans up above his knees and can't walk straight. The shit's running down my legs as I type.
Fecking laxative.
Anywhos, the other day I saw a real hard man. Someone who whispers words to fell trees and fells mountains with a swoop of his hand.
He looked to be Eastern European. He had a mane of curly hair, like an afro or my old Head of Science (HEY!). He was dressed like a bomb survivor from the 1980's and was smoking a cigaretter with the filter ripped off, wondering around in Vietnaam war boots. He was swaggering, hadn't had a pupil in his eye since he bought his dated clothes presumably and was swigging milk from a 4 pint supermarket bottle, walking tall, straight and aloof, although looked manical and crazed.
HE is a hard man, not a gold chain wearing dunce.
Shit, I need new pants.
Thursday 23 August 2007
Exam Results
Tonight I'll celebrate my GCSE exam results, 8A*'s and 2 A's with copious amounts of drinking. I'll also celebrate my A in my A/S level Religious Studies despite the lack tuition and obstructiveness of a certain teacher who didn't want students entered to lower her own workload. Alas though, what's done is done and all said and done I'm pretty pleased.
Tuesday 21 August 2007
Social Networking.
A few months ago, I discovered myspace.
Many other people have discovered it too. I believe it's now one of the most used websites on the internet, and it's phenomena of social networking is all the rage.
At first, I was enthralled. "Add friend. Accept invitation. New Comment "Lolz1!!!! P3te DuDE!!!"" It was like Shangri-La.
For about 5 minutes.
It was not long before it dawned on me what it really was. It was my real life on a computer screen, with stalkers and web cam whores to boot, both of which neutralise each other to leave me with just the real life.
The problem is, whereas in real life your forced to have meaningful conversations with people, to perform group activities and to get to know and appreciate each other, myspace is the perfect place for standard social conventions to break down.
Sounds good. Stick it to the man! Us nerds can chat freely, without fear being maced, cupped or being physically abused.
But before long, you realise the idiots have this power too.
Bulletins on myspace are the most obvious sign of this. The bulletin is the equivalent of standing in a crowded space full of people you know, screaming out to them all. Very useful when you need to say "Who want's to meet up tomorrow to go Ice Skating?"
However, it sucks when people instead start yelling "HEY ZOMG I FEEL SO TIRED- REPOST THIS MESSAGE NOW OR YOUR COCK WILL DROP OFF IN 36 HOURS AND BE AUCTIONED OFF TO NAZI MONKS WITH LASERS!!!!"
Unfortuneately, the second example has a tendancy to prevail over the first.
In real life, people with this type of verbal diarrhoea are usually avoided, or paired with silent people who will listen intently. Unfortuneately, this doesn't happen on the web, and instead it's far easier to just inflict yourself upon people, and call anyone who tries to silence you a killjoy.
What is worse though, is the emo scene invites.
Firstly, having [anyrandomoldshithere] or similar in your name sends out an instant message to me: Oh dear. You need to join a club to have friends.
Secondly, having several [JU/Ku/li]{II}(44ST} says your REALLY sad. It says myspace is your homepage. It says you slit wrists listening to fall out boy, but just slightly for looks. It says you get through partners daily, bitch frequently and think the most important thing in the universe is you, you and er... you. And the fact you suck, makes you cry.
But the worst is being bulletined for membership to these clubs for those who enjoy gay hair and gayer music (with all respect to the gay community, I just need an adjective here.)
I don't like your clubs. I don't like emoness. And unlike the masses, I won't persist. Time to cull my firend list.
Yes, for those of you who don't realise, myspace is not about having lots of friends. It's about having valued ones. And I'll happily cull my friend list to stop the rot, and keep the idiots at bay.
Chances are, you'll soon see how much nicer it is, and appreciate it is. Certainty is, the emo's will cry as they loose precious friends. And not tears to pose with to thier friends. Real tears.
I am such a Saddist :)
Many other people have discovered it too. I believe it's now one of the most used websites on the internet, and it's phenomena of social networking is all the rage.
At first, I was enthralled. "Add friend. Accept invitation. New Comment "Lolz1!!!! P3te DuDE!!!"" It was like Shangri-La.
For about 5 minutes.
It was not long before it dawned on me what it really was. It was my real life on a computer screen, with stalkers and web cam whores to boot, both of which neutralise each other to leave me with just the real life.
The problem is, whereas in real life your forced to have meaningful conversations with people, to perform group activities and to get to know and appreciate each other, myspace is the perfect place for standard social conventions to break down.
Sounds good. Stick it to the man! Us nerds can chat freely, without fear being maced, cupped or being physically abused.
But before long, you realise the idiots have this power too.
Bulletins on myspace are the most obvious sign of this. The bulletin is the equivalent of standing in a crowded space full of people you know, screaming out to them all. Very useful when you need to say "Who want's to meet up tomorrow to go Ice Skating?"
However, it sucks when people instead start yelling "HEY ZOMG I FEEL SO TIRED- REPOST THIS MESSAGE NOW OR YOUR COCK WILL DROP OFF IN 36 HOURS AND BE AUCTIONED OFF TO NAZI MONKS WITH LASERS!!!!"
Unfortuneately, the second example has a tendancy to prevail over the first.
In real life, people with this type of verbal diarrhoea are usually avoided, or paired with silent people who will listen intently. Unfortuneately, this doesn't happen on the web, and instead it's far easier to just inflict yourself upon people, and call anyone who tries to silence you a killjoy.
What is worse though, is the emo scene invites.
Firstly, having [anyrandomoldshithere] or similar in your name sends out an instant message to me: Oh dear. You need to join a club to have friends.
Secondly, having several [JU/Ku/li]{II}(44ST} says your REALLY sad. It says myspace is your homepage. It says you slit wrists listening to fall out boy, but just slightly for looks. It says you get through partners daily, bitch frequently and think the most important thing in the universe is you, you and er... you. And the fact you suck, makes you cry.
But the worst is being bulletined for membership to these clubs for those who enjoy gay hair and gayer music (with all respect to the gay community, I just need an adjective here.)
I don't like your clubs. I don't like emoness. And unlike the masses, I won't persist. Time to cull my firend list.
Yes, for those of you who don't realise, myspace is not about having lots of friends. It's about having valued ones. And I'll happily cull my friend list to stop the rot, and keep the idiots at bay.
Chances are, you'll soon see how much nicer it is, and appreciate it is. Certainty is, the emo's will cry as they loose precious friends. And not tears to pose with to thier friends. Real tears.
I am such a Saddist :)
The Government, alcohol and young people.
A more dangerous mix than The Government, alcohol and sex.
And that's a pretty scary mix.
Anywho, before that image of our beloved Prime Minister beign caught with his trousers down can enter your brain (Well, that's a lie actually, if it weren't for me most of you wouldn't be reeling in disgust now) I aim to provide a balanced, realistic opinion on the idiotic views of a small elite group of old people who think they can sort out a very large broad group of young people.
The Government claims underage drinking in Britain is rife. Took 'em long enough. They claim also it's the cause for antisocial behaviour, violence and golbal warming. Okay, maybe I've got a few facts wrong, but that's the gist of thier view.
As such, they recently suggested that the drinking age should be raised to 21. For someone aged 17 in October, who is likely to be sodomized by this law, it's an insult to injury, not because it will prevent me drinking, but because it will prevent me drinking for no good reason.
I'm not naive enough to say that there is nothing wrong with young people getting drunk, getting lost in the woods and eventually gatecrashing parties in order to regurgitate the alcoholic beverage of choice (served with obligatory carrot) onto the carpet/wall/trampoline and trampoliners. (savour that image- as those who bounce land, the alcoholic oral excretion will dance into the air above them, and fall as they make thier return journey upwards, delicately basting them in moist juices like a Christmas turkey.)
The problem is, that the British Government is deluded to think that the problem lies with 18 year olds getting drunk legally and the national institution that is drunken chavery in the town centre on a Saturday night.
The issue is deeper than that. Most of my friends get alcohol underage already from dodgy corner shops, where the service is all too friendly, the price right, and the business good for the beloved shop owner. Of course, it isn't actually his fault.
Google "fake identity cards" and you can find a whole host of replica ones which can be yours, with a convincing hologram, for only £20! But wait! Buy in a years time to list your age as 21!!!
Let's do a little recap. Government + booze + young people = failure. 18 up to 21. Dodgy cornershops, convincing ID for non dodgy cornershops.
Raising the drinking age from 18 to 21 will do what we in the trade of binge drinking technically describe as: Bugger all.
The next idea on the Governments agenda was putting 4 pence of tax onto alcohol as it's too cheap. Ohhh, rise in price above inflation. Whilst this indeed may make nice alcoholic beverages a little too expensive for the average unemployed youth, "White Lightning", the 3 litre, 8% choice of park bench's everywhere would now go up to about £2.30, from about £2. Oh no, a 30 pence price rise, however will I get wankered now!
At the end of the day, the government has just shown why you don't mix up policies. You don't try to create a continental 24 hour drinking culture to increased civilised drinking, without creating establishments used to a 24 hour drinking culture. Similarly, you don't populate such a culture with denizens of the deep who aren't familiar with any method of drinking other than "squeezing in last orders."
Perhaps if the Government looked at solving broken homes, bad education and the fat, hairy, sweaty, dangly pus-stained bollocks that most people call "culture" out, maybe, just maybe, we'd have a civilised system in which we could take the German lead, and allow young people to drink weak amounts of alcohol. Remove a taboo, so the urge to break it is less.
To sum up in the words of one disgruntled copper "If you want a cafe culture, build cafes."
And that's a pretty scary mix.
Anywho, before that image of our beloved Prime Minister beign caught with his trousers down can enter your brain (Well, that's a lie actually, if it weren't for me most of you wouldn't be reeling in disgust now) I aim to provide a balanced, realistic opinion on the idiotic views of a small elite group of old people who think they can sort out a very large broad group of young people.
The Government claims underage drinking in Britain is rife. Took 'em long enough. They claim also it's the cause for antisocial behaviour, violence and golbal warming. Okay, maybe I've got a few facts wrong, but that's the gist of thier view.
As such, they recently suggested that the drinking age should be raised to 21. For someone aged 17 in October, who is likely to be sodomized by this law, it's an insult to injury, not because it will prevent me drinking, but because it will prevent me drinking for no good reason.
I'm not naive enough to say that there is nothing wrong with young people getting drunk, getting lost in the woods and eventually gatecrashing parties in order to regurgitate the alcoholic beverage of choice (served with obligatory carrot) onto the carpet/wall/trampoline and trampoliners. (savour that image- as those who bounce land, the alcoholic oral excretion will dance into the air above them, and fall as they make thier return journey upwards, delicately basting them in moist juices like a Christmas turkey.)
The problem is, that the British Government is deluded to think that the problem lies with 18 year olds getting drunk legally and the national institution that is drunken chavery in the town centre on a Saturday night.
The issue is deeper than that. Most of my friends get alcohol underage already from dodgy corner shops, where the service is all too friendly, the price right, and the business good for the beloved shop owner. Of course, it isn't actually his fault.
Google "fake identity cards" and you can find a whole host of replica ones which can be yours, with a convincing hologram, for only £20! But wait! Buy in a years time to list your age as 21!!!
Let's do a little recap. Government + booze + young people = failure. 18 up to 21. Dodgy cornershops, convincing ID for non dodgy cornershops.
Raising the drinking age from 18 to 21 will do what we in the trade of binge drinking technically describe as: Bugger all.
The next idea on the Governments agenda was putting 4 pence of tax onto alcohol as it's too cheap. Ohhh, rise in price above inflation. Whilst this indeed may make nice alcoholic beverages a little too expensive for the average unemployed youth, "White Lightning", the 3 litre, 8% choice of park bench's everywhere would now go up to about £2.30, from about £2. Oh no, a 30 pence price rise, however will I get wankered now!
At the end of the day, the government has just shown why you don't mix up policies. You don't try to create a continental 24 hour drinking culture to increased civilised drinking, without creating establishments used to a 24 hour drinking culture. Similarly, you don't populate such a culture with denizens of the deep who aren't familiar with any method of drinking other than "squeezing in last orders."
Perhaps if the Government looked at solving broken homes, bad education and the fat, hairy, sweaty, dangly pus-stained bollocks that most people call "culture" out, maybe, just maybe, we'd have a civilised system in which we could take the German lead, and allow young people to drink weak amounts of alcohol. Remove a taboo, so the urge to break it is less.
To sum up in the words of one disgruntled copper "If you want a cafe culture, build cafes."
New beginning
So, today I started a blog, like millions of other like minded morons on the internet who feel the need to broadcast thier woes upon us all.
But instead of describing my lunch, luck or poorly thought through opinions, I aim to ramble inconsistently and humourously to brighten up your day, although forgive me if the paragraphs don't fit- like this next one.
Underwear is a deep and moving thing for a man. For centuries, he continually asks the same question. Boxers, or Y-fronts (occasionally when alcohol or other substances are introduced, the question can deviate with mentions of thongs and jockstraps, but these do nothing but reinforce the importance of keeping to the norm.) Boxers offer more freedom, and some leg sensorship. Y-fronts show more, and offer a little testicular support, to stop the terrible twins from swinging too much.
You can tell what type of man you get by what pants he wears. The cool kinda guy, or those who follow the norm wear boxers, for the reasons above. The insecure nerds or those who are confident enough to be different and try something new, wear Y-fronts.
Stereotypicaly, I seem like more of a Y-front guy, but I wear both interchangabley, because I don't do the washing and don't give a fuck about my underwear because nobody looks at it often, and if they do, chances are it's coming off so they see something a little more interesting anyway.
As such, I'm different, and avoid the standard answers- I look beyond the norm and do, say and think what no other man generally thinks. And as such, I hope this blog shows a slight difference between my train of thought, and that of most guys.
Mmm. Porn.
But instead of describing my lunch, luck or poorly thought through opinions, I aim to ramble inconsistently and humourously to brighten up your day, although forgive me if the paragraphs don't fit- like this next one.
Underwear is a deep and moving thing for a man. For centuries, he continually asks the same question. Boxers, or Y-fronts (occasionally when alcohol or other substances are introduced, the question can deviate with mentions of thongs and jockstraps, but these do nothing but reinforce the importance of keeping to the norm.) Boxers offer more freedom, and some leg sensorship. Y-fronts show more, and offer a little testicular support, to stop the terrible twins from swinging too much.
You can tell what type of man you get by what pants he wears. The cool kinda guy, or those who follow the norm wear boxers, for the reasons above. The insecure nerds or those who are confident enough to be different and try something new, wear Y-fronts.
Stereotypicaly, I seem like more of a Y-front guy, but I wear both interchangabley, because I don't do the washing and don't give a fuck about my underwear because nobody looks at it often, and if they do, chances are it's coming off so they see something a little more interesting anyway.
As such, I'm different, and avoid the standard answers- I look beyond the norm and do, say and think what no other man generally thinks. And as such, I hope this blog shows a slight difference between my train of thought, and that of most guys.
Mmm. Porn.
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