Whilst this doesn't actually refer to the education itself, I aim here to explain just how retarded our countries state education is.
Secondary Education is this country has been created in order to ensure that the maximum number of people alledgedly know the minimum amount of information, so that there are plenty of passes. It's also screwed around with to involve whatever buzzwords are present, and to generally torture any student with grey matter into submission.
Here are some of the finer points of our institutionalised schooling.
1. Coursework
Coursework is the brain child of a bright spark who realised that getting students to devote 90% of thier time to aquiring 20% of the grade would proprotionately increase success. This was hidden by the facade of it being practical. Shovelling shit out of drains is "Practical" but it doesn't make it nice. The overiding joy of coursework of course, is that this practicality largely consists of illicit help from teachers and plagurism- but at least sudents can sell old coursework on e-bay for a princely sum- and then get their own grades torn up three years later when it emerges that they're cheating.
2."Funky" Subjects
The Government races to create new "Exciting Subjects", but without a use. "Leisure and Tourism." What kind of a fucking subject is that? Where will I ever use such a narrowly applicable subject? What about doing Geography and Business? Would that surely not transfer all relevant knowledge and have broader application? These subjects are also generally the worst offenders for coursework and are some of the most difficult as they are as ambiguous as seeing a time-travelling pope fight to the death with Bhudda before attending a Marilyn Manson Concert! Daft analogies aside, what's wrong with real subjects? They are actually generally easier, and people get better results in them!
3.Teachers
There are many great teachers. Kudo's too you! Their are also many spineless wankers who do nothing more than rot minds, waste talent and effectively screw the taxpayer up ass, by taking thier pay from us, for bad, or in some cases non-exsistant teaching.
4.Target Setting
Ah... is there anything to drive the mentally insane to commit even greater attrocities than being told that they didn't meet thier SMART targets and that consequentially they need to re-engineer thier core principles for maximum improvement. Fuck off. I'm not changing anything untill I have some respect for those telling me to change.
Rant over. ARGH!
Wednesday 21 November 2007
Friday 16 November 2007
The EU and the UK- like the odd couple, but without any good dialogue.
The EU has been in the news a lot, what with the new treaties, calls for referendums and expansion on the forefront. What I hope to do here is engauge in a fireside chat with you the reader about Britain's role with Europe- and particularly why I think much of the fear about Europe is Bullshit.
Firstly, the EU treaty/constitution as it stands is being misinterpreted. It's one thing I actually agree with the current Government about- it's a necessary change, and it will not create a federalised European Superstate. The EU is too burecratically complex to lead to such a development- all this draft does is make some superficial changes to external representation of the EU (So that we have 1 representative figurehead, not 87) and ensures all member states are upto the same level in terms of basic rights (no prejudice, equal trade within Union and opportunities etc.) So that we all strive towards better economic unity- the EU'S FUNCTION!
Secondly, there was a dull, shite and altogether pointless speech made yesterday by either Milliband or Balls (they should really finish thier GCSE's before joining a cabinet) saying that they believe the EU must meet the promise of including Turkey and should seek to take in even Russia and north africa, to expand beyond Europe as a true Union for all nations.
I love this- it's the best way to fulfill the Eu's goals of creating a stronger market prescence for lots of tiny countries. It helps all the same, spreads the improvements around where needed, and seeks to benefit member nations- not directly, but on a structural, behind the scenes way.
Besides, i don't see why so many people hate Europe when all it seeks to do is streamline foriegn affairs locally.
It's better than New fucking labour.
Firstly, the EU treaty/constitution as it stands is being misinterpreted. It's one thing I actually agree with the current Government about- it's a necessary change, and it will not create a federalised European Superstate. The EU is too burecratically complex to lead to such a development- all this draft does is make some superficial changes to external representation of the EU (So that we have 1 representative figurehead, not 87) and ensures all member states are upto the same level in terms of basic rights (no prejudice, equal trade within Union and opportunities etc.) So that we all strive towards better economic unity- the EU'S FUNCTION!
Secondly, there was a dull, shite and altogether pointless speech made yesterday by either Milliband or Balls (they should really finish thier GCSE's before joining a cabinet) saying that they believe the EU must meet the promise of including Turkey and should seek to take in even Russia and north africa, to expand beyond Europe as a true Union for all nations.
I love this- it's the best way to fulfill the Eu's goals of creating a stronger market prescence for lots of tiny countries. It helps all the same, spreads the improvements around where needed, and seeks to benefit member nations- not directly, but on a structural, behind the scenes way.
Besides, i don't see why so many people hate Europe when all it seeks to do is streamline foriegn affairs locally.
It's better than New fucking labour.
Saturday 10 November 2007
Subway Substandard
This week, I was banned from Subway in Harrow.
I kid you not. I committed an act so heinous that the only punishment fit for me was outright banning from my local branch of this purveyor of sandwich like edible comestibles.
Why? For using a voucher.
On Tuesday morning, I strolled into Subway looking to buy a bacon sub and coffee with a voucher, letting me have them for £1.50. The troglodyte working there had other ideas of course, as it would obviously nudge down his centralised sales record.
We had a conversation, it went something like this:
Me: Bacon Breakfast sub and coffee please.
Twat: Sure.
(Sub and coffe made, paying at counter.
Twat: That'll be £3.20.
Me: Ah, I have a voucher.
Twat: Nah, you bought the bacon lettuce and tomato, not the bacon breakfast sub.
Me: I asked for a bacon sub, which is on the breakfast menu, I have NO lettuce and tomato in my sub, ergo it is more similar to what I asked for than that which you are trying to convince me it in fact is!
Twat: But I ain't allowed to sell it you yeah, cos I have no eggs or sausages in today.
Me: (Pause. Stares at eggs and sausages.) Well, what are those then?
Twat: The last I have. Sorry, bro.
Me: Ok, nevermind, I'll just use this voucher and have a medium sub, lets see, a bacon breakfast sub, maybe?
Twat: (Realising it's better to just take the first voucher, angry) Sheesh! Fine, have your fucking cheap sub (I pay) Fuck you pal, your fucking banned, do you fucking hear me? Now leave!
Of course, by the time that last bit was yelled out I had indeed left, bemused at the attitude I got.
Subway definately ain't going on my Superfood reclassification campaign. I've been told I ought to appeal as this guy is nuts, but even if I was allowed in, he was such a dodgy individual that I don't trust him to make food for me. How do I know the mayonaise ain't from him, if you get my rather disgusting drift?
Although, as Subway were advertising for part time staff, I was tempted to apply, get the job, and see him ban his co-worker :D
Nevermind, I'm eating at Quiznos from now on :P
I kid you not. I committed an act so heinous that the only punishment fit for me was outright banning from my local branch of this purveyor of sandwich like edible comestibles.
Why? For using a voucher.
On Tuesday morning, I strolled into Subway looking to buy a bacon sub and coffee with a voucher, letting me have them for £1.50. The troglodyte working there had other ideas of course, as it would obviously nudge down his centralised sales record.
We had a conversation, it went something like this:
Me: Bacon Breakfast sub and coffee please.
Twat: Sure.
(Sub and coffe made, paying at counter.
Twat: That'll be £3.20.
Me: Ah, I have a voucher.
Twat: Nah, you bought the bacon lettuce and tomato, not the bacon breakfast sub.
Me: I asked for a bacon sub, which is on the breakfast menu, I have NO lettuce and tomato in my sub, ergo it is more similar to what I asked for than that which you are trying to convince me it in fact is!
Twat: But I ain't allowed to sell it you yeah, cos I have no eggs or sausages in today.
Me: (Pause. Stares at eggs and sausages.) Well, what are those then?
Twat: The last I have. Sorry, bro.
Me: Ok, nevermind, I'll just use this voucher and have a medium sub, lets see, a bacon breakfast sub, maybe?
Twat: (Realising it's better to just take the first voucher, angry) Sheesh! Fine, have your fucking cheap sub (I pay) Fuck you pal, your fucking banned, do you fucking hear me? Now leave!
Of course, by the time that last bit was yelled out I had indeed left, bemused at the attitude I got.
Subway definately ain't going on my Superfood reclassification campaign. I've been told I ought to appeal as this guy is nuts, but even if I was allowed in, he was such a dodgy individual that I don't trust him to make food for me. How do I know the mayonaise ain't from him, if you get my rather disgusting drift?
Although, as Subway were advertising for part time staff, I was tempted to apply, get the job, and see him ban his co-worker :D
Nevermind, I'm eating at Quiznos from now on :P
Friday 9 November 2007
Glaswegian Pride; a fate worse than death.
Well, despite my preference that this news appear in the obituary section as "triumph of hope over sanity", the success of the Glaswegian bid to host the commonwealth games has appeared on the front page of the BBC News website.
Not just content with losing olympic bids for several years, the Scots decided to try and win a bid for something. So, naturally, they went for the olympic's shit English dominated cousin (Which serves as a great platform for Britain to actually win some medals!) and have procured the commonwealth games above Nigeria.
Personally, I would have preffered Nigeria to get the games. It would have been bigger and more signifcant for them, and they were held but a few years in Manchester, so surely this part of the world (was gonna type "we" there, but then I realised just how wrong it is to associate us with the Scots) shouldn't hold them for a while, in the sake of fairness? Besides, a Nigerian Commonwealth games would help to dispell thoughts that the Commonwealth is too British biased.
Way to go selection commitee to get rid of that myth!
Secondly, envision any major event being held in Glasgow. Just imagine the current 2012 London Olympic fiasco, transposed to an area of this isle with even more heroin usage. They'll have to test athletes for use of the stuff, and I pity the poor runners trying to get a salad that isn't deep fried. Besides, where are they going to compete? The marathon going through the heart of Glasgow will be more of a sick Gauntlet of death, as ginger haired pissants hurl whatever empty receptical they can lay their hands on to attack any athlete they see who isn't called "Hamish.". (If the athletes are unlucky, the recepticals won't be empty; they'll be lukewarm with fresh, alcoholic piss. May even be some kidney stone in there too if it's a good vintage.) Other such sports would include the discuss (Frisbe, due to health and safety officials and budget cuts), javelins being replaced with khiebers (the log things the highland games thrive on for those of you not familiar with Scottish sporting "glory") and swimming in the Clyde (another gauntlet that as the industrial pollutants wipe out all but the die hard Scots.)
Worst of all, Scottish pride will soar. But they have the shit cousin to the Olympics we have the real thing.
Sad thing is, after 2012 they will probably have every right to laugh at us.
Not just content with losing olympic bids for several years, the Scots decided to try and win a bid for something. So, naturally, they went for the olympic's shit English dominated cousin (Which serves as a great platform for Britain to actually win some medals!) and have procured the commonwealth games above Nigeria.
Personally, I would have preffered Nigeria to get the games. It would have been bigger and more signifcant for them, and they were held but a few years in Manchester, so surely this part of the world (was gonna type "we" there, but then I realised just how wrong it is to associate us with the Scots) shouldn't hold them for a while, in the sake of fairness? Besides, a Nigerian Commonwealth games would help to dispell thoughts that the Commonwealth is too British biased.
Way to go selection commitee to get rid of that myth!
Secondly, envision any major event being held in Glasgow. Just imagine the current 2012 London Olympic fiasco, transposed to an area of this isle with even more heroin usage. They'll have to test athletes for use of the stuff, and I pity the poor runners trying to get a salad that isn't deep fried. Besides, where are they going to compete? The marathon going through the heart of Glasgow will be more of a sick Gauntlet of death, as ginger haired pissants hurl whatever empty receptical they can lay their hands on to attack any athlete they see who isn't called "Hamish.". (If the athletes are unlucky, the recepticals won't be empty; they'll be lukewarm with fresh, alcoholic piss. May even be some kidney stone in there too if it's a good vintage.) Other such sports would include the discuss (Frisbe, due to health and safety officials and budget cuts), javelins being replaced with khiebers (the log things the highland games thrive on for those of you not familiar with Scottish sporting "glory") and swimming in the Clyde (another gauntlet that as the industrial pollutants wipe out all but the die hard Scots.)
Worst of all, Scottish pride will soar. But they have the shit cousin to the Olympics we have the real thing.
Sad thing is, after 2012 they will probably have every right to laugh at us.
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