Peter's third rant to the Internetians

Right, i've decided to form a collective Bible of hatred, anger and vicious seething loathing, with which I can attack all those who utterly piss me off and drive subliminal homicidal tendencies. And don't worry, this isn't all about politics ;)


The sad thing is though, it's about something just as bad. Brown nosing. The glorious act of sucking up insincerely to people, with gifts, praise and general loyalty. I always get frustrated because like most decent hard-working individuals- I am decent and hardworking, therefor do my job. I do it well, I get it all done and that's it. I'm nice, I'm friendly I do all you ask and if I want praise, promotion or raise, I let my competence and eptitude lead the way.

Only for some Kniving Shit with a box of Ferrero Roche to go and play smarmy.

The sad truth with brown nosing, is not only that it's incredibly annoying, but that people fall for it. Unfortuneately, we all do as humans- compliments are easy to fall for, especially if your a concerned person. Take me for example, my hair looks like that of a tramp who's been washing his locks in a mixture of cider and flower, and then gone for a centre parting for panache. I can't help but worry about how bad my hair is. But I over exaggerate it, and when people comment on it being cool, I go excessively happy- wildly joyous, like a Nazi with a camera outside a blazing Riechstag. I can't even feel irritated at those who fall for it, as I'm almost certain I must do. Else that or my worries of inferiority have caused an endemic mental paranoia causing me to think so. Which is just as bad!


So, here's a big fuck you to shallowness in the pursuit of cold-calculated progression at the expense of all human decency. Go and blast your tonsils out with shotguns, you festering fungal growths of the worst nature.

Oh, I'll finish this post later! Just managed to weasel £30!

"Really, well I thought it worked on 9 levels..."

Recently, I have become increasingly disillusioned with the depth in which some things are analysed. This should come as no surprise to regular readers, who know by now I become increasingly disillusioned with everything. Constantly. One day I aim to reach a state of disillusionment where I transgress into another dimension which shall lead me to become a fat string-vest wearing man in a council flat with an obsession for brylcream and asprin.

Yet, political aspirations aside, I absolutely loathe the obsession some people have with finding obscurities in artistic works and claiming that they were not only intentional, but the main focus of the work.

Let me clarify a truth. The main theme, is the main focus. This is because they are both linked with the word "main." The idea that Mary Shelley's "Frankenstien" is a proto-feminist rant due to the face that she as an author was female is a big, fat, unadultered heap of horseshit.

There can be some hidden meanings. I do not argue that for a second. But does it ever occur to people that whilst you may be able to gather some evidence to support your claim, that because you are not the artist, nor do you look at the overhelmingly huge pile of evidence against you, that you might, just might, be FUCKING WRONG?

Yes, lets read into subtext. Stalin purged people because he liked courtroom dramas. Hitler killed 6 million Jewish people to be ironic on a grand scale, and Satan was cast out of heaven to show how the great inequalities in God's own creation in the transcendiant world exsist along side ours and to set the example for us to segregate good and evil, merely as a demonstration of his never ending agape towards us.

Problem is, some bastard can come and read this, my rant, and claim that I was suffering from anything from sexual repression to headlice due to the shaky spelling indicitve of frequent head movements. I AM NOT! I'M JUST TELLING PEOPLE TO SEE THINGS FOR WHAT THEY FUCKING ARE!

Any comments that don't involve the words "Meanings", "subtext", "nugget", or "perhaps what the artist meant to say..."?

Snack Sized Portions

Once upon a time, a bunch of not very bright people in a room had a meeting.

Hang on, let me rephrase that. All meetings are a bunch of not very bright people in a room. I need to specify.

Once upon a time, some morons who worked in catering for supermarkets had a meeting to design new cakes. They also decided to consider the size of such foods, in order to encourage beeter efficency, and eating habits.

So, these genii went and made "micro cakes", with the seeming intention of causing RSI in the motion of moving arm to cake box continuously to take lots of small cakes because THEY'RE TOO FUCKING SMALL FOR ONE TO SATISFY!

Now, normal cakes and mince pies or scone etc are fine. They have thier purpose. What I'm moaning about is cakes which are deliberately "mini" to sound "cute" when in fact it means you have more filling, less icing, more wasted packaging holding the space between cakes and I think they actually encourage worse eating habits. If I'm eating small cakes, it's harder to judge how much I've had than if I have a huge great big "fuck off" slab of cake in front of me (preferably with a little Nandos-esque flag sticking out of the top with "cake" written on it.) which is why I find the fiddly bastards so annoying! I want cake, not "micro cakes", which are just sold to stupid fat people who think they'll loose weight by eating more of something smaller!

I may be fat, but I ain't thick- unlike the layer of pastry on a mini- mince pie. WHERE'S THE FILLING? HELLO? ARE YOU THERE? No, because the laws of volume and surface area mean smaller pie= less filling, more pastry en masse. Which means your eating paper with the heaviness of butter and less rum soaked shrivelled fruit (get any images of alcoholics and prostitution out of your mind immediately) which is never a good thing (unless in the instance of the aforementioned image I just told to you get rid of.)

Alas, I doubt my message of sanity will get through, mainly as cake manufacturers will never read this, and my ramblings are always pointless and inconsequential.

I'll just have to add "Non-minicakes" to the wikipedia "Superfood" list :D